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Living in a new county all too often
29 August 2009 @ 04:03 pm
Spent the last 48+ hours in Cape Cod, Andy's dad died from the cancer he had been battling for 10 years. 1, 500 people showed up to his wake Thursday evening and the funeral on Friday was even more packed. He truly was loved. Andy is so sensitive and I can't even cope with how it would feel to lose a parent. Dick (andy's dad) was only 51 years old, and he was even younger at heart.

I feel so crowded... I'm headed  to Belgium again next week and I haven't had time to breath by myself. Unexpected friends keep popping in all week and crashing at my place. don't get me wrong I love people at my house and the more the marryer is always the feeling here. Yet I need some time to process the changes at work and pack.... not sure when that is going to happen.

I'm in Belgium till the 20th and then its only a few short weeks until I'm on a cruise with the lovely Lis.

Oh black rain is gonna fall....
Living in a new county all too often
13 August 2009 @ 05:52 pm
I'm not even really sure why I still drag myself back to Live Journal... I guess I feel bad when I don't update this... even though I now have a running blog and facebook is really the best way to follow me around the world.

Going to Belgium very very soon so I gotta make some changes quick:

Smoking and drinking out - Drink water in
Crazy diets out -  Walking more is in
Ass hole bosses out - getting a dog in
Renting movies from block buster out - Renting movies from netflix in
Spending money when shit faced black out on more beer out - saving money for personal travel in
Shitting music out - good music in
Giving a damn out
Scuba diving lessons in
Going back to school in
New relationships in
Baking cupcakes just becauses, back in
Yoga back in
Stupid boyfriends out
Mend old bridges in
Shitty clothing out
feeling guilty out
Once a week art night at Mel's back in
Ice Cream in
Being in an apartment that is surrounded by brand new babies on both sides of the house crying all the time, out
Cleaning my shitty apartment all the time, out
New skills in

So as you can see I got a lot of work cut out  and it tends to be harder for me to get rid of things than it is to add new things.

I went to Burlington recently and had a blast. Way too much beer and ice cream for a 4 day period.

Really addicted to the yeah yeahs right now, I know don't even get me started about how shitty they are I go through stages...

I really wish it were easier to upload photos on here, I would totally do it more if it were.

well take care for now I'm out of the country for some time.
Living in a new county all too often
31 July 2009 @ 08:42 am
Love is so weird I really do hate relationships.

In the last few months I've fallen madly in love with my boy again, broken it off and then fallen madly in love again. Just weird.... At the moment things there are as good as its going to get for a 4 year battle. Deffinatly out of the honeymoon stage. I never thought I would just settle, I always hoped I'd be with someone that gives me butterflies even 40 years later. When its good its really good and when its bad I'm wasting my time.

I'm quickly approaching adulthood (real adulthood not the I'm 18 now I'm an adult by law and not the 21 now I'm gonna buy lots of booze because I can) So I did what any normal partly insane person who fears being an adult does, I got a coming of age tattoo and I have to admit I pretty proud of it, its a large dandelion blowing its seeds in the wind, but mixed in the seeds are numbers... A custom piece created just for me by my new budding crush Matt (budding crush i.e not boy crush but friend- admire) He is the sweetest 30 year old with two little kids you could ever meet.

Thought for a good two months there I was clinically depressed and should seek medical attention, scary as I've never really been on any medication for my "feelings" then I figured it was my Corporate America job that was killing me. I hated my boss (still do, however she's never here so it makes my job easier) I feel trapped in my role. In order to survive you have to be this extreamly thick skined person that has not problems back stabbing and lying to everyone. I exsposed my boss to the "higher" boss telling him that she makes me look like shit because she takes credit for all my projects and throws me under the bus whenever she can. She bloss and I never want to be someone like that, there is no reason to be so cruel to people, no matter what your job is. So I figured at the end of the work day does it really matter? Will the world end if I don't put in 80+ hours of work this week? NO! No it won't so I'm not going to care nearly as much. So there!

I took up gutiar and put that down as my work consumed my life... even my camera and cupcake baking got put aside... I'm going to take scuba diving lessons for my cruise in October and I'm going to start babysitting the big DG boss's son on some weekends for extra cash... Things are slowly but surly turning around.

Going to Burlington next week to simply chill and find myself again with my buddy.

Red Blond head where have you been my whole life?
Living in a new county all too often
02 July 2009 @ 06:21 pm
Its been a few good weeks...

Art is good, slow very very slow but good.

Getting my tattoo on Friday, tomorrow ...

Its been raining for weeks and I've been baking cupcakes like its no ones business.
Living in a new county all too often
25 June 2009 @ 04:27 pm
Jack passed away this morning... I can't eat or stop crying things are just really tough. I can't have a dog of my own so Jack was my love. Last time we hung out together he body checked me and stole my hot dog... I love him : (
Living in a new county all too often
12 June 2009 @ 04:49 pm
Steve has been sick this past week and I've been a sweet girlfriend taking care of him but now I can feel myself getting sick, I feel it coming on, my body is dragging so bad... its like I'm caked in really heavy wet mud and I just can move. I want to because I have a million and one things to do but my body keeps saying SLLLLLOOOOWWWWW the f-n down...

It looks like I'm going to have to ask the boy out on a date tonight because if we don't reserve time for each other we won't see each other....

Life is really weird sometimes...
Living in a new county all too often
06 June 2009 @ 05:37 pm
I can't believe I fell for it, but did it again
I told myself I'm gonna quit, but did it again
I can't believe I fell for it, but did it again
I told myself I'm gonna quit, but

This was supposed to be the last time
I told myself this wouldnt happen again
I told myself I wasn't ever going to call you
I told myself I wasn't going to let you back in
but here I am dialing, trying

I told myself to get a hold myself
I won't freak out, let you tweak out
on ecstacy not next to me
somethin tells me baby girl that you're testin me
I told myself to get a hold myself
and I'm tryin' I'm not lyin'
don't make me mad, you know I love you bad
I want to sniff the glue that hold me to you
I told myself to get a hold myself
but don't rush me can't you trust me
the sound I hear whenever you are near
I know it's never wrong and it's my favorite song.

Meeting Ellie down town tonight in Portland I can't wait I love that kid and its been what 5+ Years since we have hung out! Shit since high school. That really f-in ages me.

I'm going on a mad rad vacation with Liz this september, again another friend I haven't seen for 5+ years. We are thinking big boat with lots of booze sounds like a good vacation to me. So this vac with liz will happen when I get back from Belgium and then after my trip with liz I'm going to Burlington and living with Andrea for a while! Should be a pretty sweet f-n fall.

My Auntie is camping at old orchard beach this summer so I'm gonna spend sometime with her too! I haven't seen her for 5+ year too, seems like this year is a good year for me to patch shit up with lots of peoples I miss.

Well I'm off as I have an appointment with my tattoo guy.... then dinner with Ellie!

Life is ok in general for now, work is old and friends are really pulling through!

Fuck yes...
Living in a new county all too often
09 May 2009 @ 10:38 am
I uploaded all my photos on my facebook page because I'm getting really lazy!

Between guitar practice, apartment hunting, debating about going back to school and work I don't really have a lot of time. Boss wants to send me to Stockholm for a while to go "chill" at a web designing school. Your probably thinking what the hell does that have to do to with grocery retail and I'm thinking the same thing, I know each company has their own websites yet we hire marketing majors to handle that.

" We I slip I'm still an animal"

My computer is so bogged down with crap that I might open a blog page as a dumping ground for all the photos and shit I have on here. I;ve lost so many good photos because my computer likes to eat them...

Things are getting better, the boy and I are going to spend an exstended amount of time in London so he can reconnect with his stomping grounds and so I can visit some old friend there : ) and get some tasty coffee this shit here in the state is gross, I bring back as much coffee and peanut butter as I can when I travel, I need to upgrade to a larger suitcase.

So if your interested in my photo collection that is growing fast than I can keep up come on over my facebook....
Living in a new county all too often
27 March 2009 @ 09:54 am
I'm heading back to my home away from home next week Belgium, This time I wont be retarded and forget to pack the Killer (baby camera) what a fucking dumb ass I can be...

I'm departing on the 31st and be living it up in my kick ass room in Leuven on the first.
Living in a new county all too often
15 March 2009 @ 03:43 pm
Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
I'm needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Something inside of me is broken...  I cry about everything and  I mean everything, last night I cried myself to sleep because of the love of my life is moving out on Sat and there is no way to tell him so we can be friends. Then again this morning I cried again about it and then cried because I made the wrong tea. Who cries because they made the wrong tea? Not a big normally I would just dump out my mug and start again, not the case this morning. I had a good 20 minute cry about it then again later today I had a hard time folding my t-shirt and broke down and cried about it. Good thing I'm home alone today or my male roommates might just think I've lost it.

Something inside is soo very broken, I got into a fit fight with a drunk bum downtown last night. Normally I have no problems with the bums I'm often giving them money and spare food to their dogs, but last night one grabbed the bottom of my coat as I was leaving the bar last night  and refused to let go until I gave him my wallet.  told him I had no cash as I just spent it all at the bar (very true)  he demanded that I give him my ATM card and code, I punched him in the face and left ...

I'm a fucking adult and I can't get a fucking grip on shit, seriously debated leaving my job last night and moving far away to open a cupcake place. In the normal world there are two problems with that statement, first being my well paying job is what gives me the money to do my hobbies and second I can't bake good cupcakes if my life were dependant on it.

Here is the love of my life....

Bastard Saki will be moving on Sat with Rick...

When he leaves the house will be empty, Steve works all the time and Ricky will be in a different state... I've never felt so alone and at the sametime so scared. As a kid I was alone all the time, now as an adult I can't even bear the thought of being left alone here.